Bicep Curl? $30 Please!

The blue/purple Master Lock my mom bought for me in the 8th grade because, "it's easier to differentiate your lock from the others, if yours isn't black or blue". Yes, what better way to point your belongings out to thieves with the most vibrant lock...Ironically, my locker never got broken into when I was in high school whenever we had a mass locker break-in.

On Saturday, I decided to push the tub of ice cream aside and get my evergrowing ass onto a treadmill. I went into my local gym, renewed my membership, and dragged myself into the locker room. The gym I go to is quite small -- It's actually in a community centre. As I walked into the locker room, I saw a man getting out of his gym clothes. He stared at me, and kept staring at my stuff (which I placed down on the bench while I was getting ready). He analyzed everything I had: wallet, iPod, cell phone, car keys. He looked very suspicious, and that's why, before I left the room, I double-checked my locker. Because my gym is so small, no one really uses the lockers -- but I used one. So out of all the empty lockers that were wide open, my locker was the only one used and had a lock on it. Dumbass. It's like an automatic target.

It's time to workout. Side note: I'm not actually considered "fat" anymore as I measured my body-fat percentage beforehand and I was in the "normal" range. Take that, elementary school bullies!
I sweated off half my body-weight on some cardio machine, pushed weights that were a little too heavy for me to handle and rolled around on a mat doing some sort of stretching exercise. An hour and a half later, I decided to give up. No amount of adoration of skinny/emo/testicle-hugging jeans will ever make up for the pain that I'm going through.

I went back into the empty locker room and saw that my lock was unlocked *Gasp* Not only was it unlocked, but he broke my $7 Master Lock. I quickly looked through my belongings to see if anything was missing: Sweatshirt? Still there. Shoes? Still stinks. Condoms? Still untouched for over five years. Credit card? Still shiny. But I did notice a $20 bill missing. I sat there on the bench trying to remember what I bought the day before and to see if I've actually used it. "Okay, so I swiped my card when I bought this. Used loose change for sushi, used a $5 bill for coffee"...and yet I still can't remember if I used it or not. Since "nothing" was really stolen, perhaps they copied down my credit card number or driver's license and I'd be one of those sad cases of identity theft. I'm keeping a close eye on my credit card transactions. But so far, nothing.

Today, while I was getting ready for school, I checked my "coin holder" (the loose-change in which I've gathered from not having a brain that works fast enough to use it when making purchases) to see if I have enough for coffee. But it wasn't in my bag! My coin holder, that I won in a game of BINGO in the second-grade, is gone!

So there you have it, my $10 worth of coins was taken, and probably that $20 bill that I'm still going nuts about. I mean, he's a pretty nice thief to have only taken money and not my IDs. Not only did he just take my money, but he also closed my locker. The lock was opened (because he busted it), but he closed it afterwards and also put the lock back onto its latch. How nice of him to minimize the opportunity of having my things being stolen by someone else.
He probably Googled me and found this blog and is laughing and counting my change as he's reading this lame post.

edited to add// See, it never occurred to me that I had my stuff stolen. Everyone was telling me I was paranoid and that I just didn't lock my locker before leaving the changing rooms. I was too busy, over the weekend, trying to think if I actually spent my $20 and was confused that if someone did break into my locker, why he didn't take my bus pass, credit card and most importantly, my customized Starbucks card, that I didn't even check the most obvious: my lock (which was busted). I didn't notice it was busted until today! I also didn't notice my coin-holder was missing until today too! I also also didn't even notice I had my stuff stolen until today because nothing was virtually missing! He's good... damn sociopathic thief!...or maybe I'm just stupid.

See? Another reason not to go to the gym. Anyways, sorry if this post has typos and grammar errors, I'm still a little frazzled and feel like somebody groped me.

Aging (Non)Gracefully

I'm not dead I've just been mighty busy with school and work...so although I don't even have much time to write, I also don't have much to write about. The highlight of this month was probably when I got my Vegemite. F.Y.I.: Vegemite and Marmite is what I eat every damn morning now -- I'm addicted. Other than that, I've just been sitting at home and studying...sort of. But now, my work load has evened-out and I'm free to stretch out those fingers and type out an exciting post.

I went to a "skincare pharmacy" (why do they even call themselves that?) today. After chatting with the sales person, I walked over to the cash register to pay for my purchases. Whenever you make a purchase at this store, they'll give you a few samples of other products from their line to try.

"Have you tried Abyssine?"
"Absinthe? *haha yeah!*"
"No, Abyssine. I'll get some for you!"
She meant the Abyssine eye cream.
"Its good for those first signs of aging: fine lines and wrinkles *pointing to my eyes*".

Wrinkles? I'm frickin 19!? I take pretty good care of my skin. All the acne creams I get prescribed (Retin-A Micro and Tazorac) are loaded with vitamin A -- a vitamin that's supposed to reduce fine lines, increase collagen production while fighting the volcanoes on my teenage-hormonal skin. And because I have such intense acne treatments to fight the neverending layer of oil on my face, I have to use sunscreen or else I'd look like Richie Sambora while sunbathing -- that explains why I'm as sickly pale as Nicole Kidman when really, I'd love to look like George Hamilton. See? It's a pretty good start to a healthy skincare routine for a guy.

I get the "Oh really? You look older" line quite a bit. People always guess I'm older than I actually am -- which is fine, I usually shrug it off anyways. In fact, if it wasn't for this quality of mine, I wouldn't have experienced the loss of my virginity on a drunken night with Crabby Patty when I was 12.

At school, you meet a lot of people. You get chatting, and then the "age question" usually pops up. And before I get a chance to show off my youth and the love I have for the likes of Hannah Montana, Zack & Cody and Zoey 101, they'll say "You're 24? Wait! Let me guess again...27?".

I have been pretty tired these days. With work and school -- It's been hectic. Also, my pillows are as flat as the Olsen's breasts. I get no real sleep in these pillows, which leads to lack of sleep, headaches and a stiff neck. I can get 10 hours of "sleep" and still end up pressing snooze five times. And when I finally get out of bed, I'd notice I already missed the first half of class. My pillows are completely lifeless. The neck pains are partially caused by the odd position I put my body into when checking my phone messages every morning.

So if I look old, I blame it on my lack of beauty rest.

Now, where did the hell did I place my dentures? Oh, my caretaker will find it for me.

[pictures courtesy of The Daily Galaxy, Dana's Dirt and Disney]

Beauty and the Yeast

As you may know, I am on a mission to find myself Vegemite. I don't remember where I first heard of this stuff, but it was a while ago. I knew I had to try it. Everyone who I have told about my Vegemite mission (and knew what Vegemite was) gave the "yuck" expression -- which made me want to try it even more. This stuff used to be sold everywhere -- readily available to be spread onto little sandwiches. But recently, most of the Vancouver stores pulled it off their shelves because of the FDA. My friend Emma told me to check out Nesters Market in the Yaletown neighbourhood of Vancouver to find it.

Anyways, for those who don't know, Vegemite is an Australian spread made of a vegetable and yeast extract. The most common way to eat it is to spread it onto freshly buttered toast. It's an Australian staple. "All the kids eat it for breakfast", as I once read on my "Vegemite research." Marmite, on the other hand, is produced all the way in England. It's basically the same stuff but "it tastes worst!"

At Nesters, I ask one of the workers where I could find Vegemite in the store. Two minutes later, he comes back with a small jar. Woo hoo!

Me (M): A ha! Perfect. Thanks!
Worker (W): There's also this other stuff called, 'Marmite.'
M: Yeah, I know. Marmite is English, and Vegemite is Australian. I wanted to try Vegemite.

*brings me over to the aisle where this wonderful yeast extract was*

W: Here's the other stuff *shows me Marmite*
M: Hmm, perhaps I'll get both just to compare.
W: Why would you want to eat this stuff? It's gross.
M: Haha, so I've heard. I just don't understand how some people dislike this stuff so much when Australians love it. It's a must try! How does it taste like?
W: I've only had Marmite...it tastes like...(10 second pause)..I can't describe it, you'll just have to try it.
M: Is it sweet? Salty? Bitter?
W: It tastes like dirt.
M: ...thanks.

I get home and finally dig my fingers into this awesome stuff. It smells like malt. Like a Horlicks or Ovaltine drink, perhaps it will taste like a malt drink too. According to englishteaboy's video (on top), you're supposed to lightly spread the Vegemite across your piece of toast. Vegemite is thick in texture whereas Marmite is more syrupy.
It has a very interesting taste. It's salty -- like a thickened version of soya sauce. It's not that horrible to eat, but it's certainly interesting (in a sense that I probably won't eat anymore of it). The Marmite tasted better at first, but, as I continued eating, it got more and more salty. I was really hoping this would be something I could be eating everyday. But, I just can't. I feel like I have let the Aussies down. How am I going to finish my $11 worth of Vegemite/Marmite?

Speaking of yeast...

Last week at work, I had my first fungal infection experience. I was on my way to the back area to refill some stock when I heard a customer (let's call him Fungal Face) scream, "EXCUSE ME?!" followed by an arm-flaling action. I went over to the other end of the store, where he was dancing and shaking on the spot. He asked if I could unlock the door to the washroom for him. I was going to until I realized I left the washroom key at home. I had to call my supervisor to open up but stayed with him until she arrived. I saw that he had an item in his hand.

Me (M): Sir, you actually have to leave all your items out here before using the washroom in case of theft and other security reasons.
Fungal Face (F): Oh, I actually need it.
M: Okay, well, did you want to pay for it first?
F: I already paid for it.
M: Do you have the receipt?
F: No, I don't have it with me. But don't I look like an honest guy? *nervous laugh*
M: ...?
F: I'm trying to explain this to you, without having to embarrass myself. I really really need to apply this product in the bathroom, right now. *Flashes me his item: Canesten* I have a ---
M: ...ALRIGHT, I understand. No need to explain what you have.

It turns out he actually did pay for his Canesten because my supervisor told me she rang his items through.

Who doesn't love a good jock-itch, once in a while?

[picture courtesy of Canesten]

Friday Night Lights

Yo yo yo! I haven't posted in a while because of midterms. It's "sort of" over (another one in a week) and I think it's time for an update. Normally, I would write these huge wordy-essay-like posts, but today, I'm just going to let the photos speak for themselves (with subtle captions, of course). You see, my friends Donna and Geoff decided to get themselves a new camera. A Sony DSLR-A200, to be exact. We all went out on Friday to hang out and they brought out their new toy. Check out the photos.

After our Greek dinner on Denman street of Vancouver, we had some expensive sweets at Cookies By George. Nicky (grey hoodie, bottom left) insisted we go because he loves these cookies -- that's why he's eating two at a time.

We also found these lovely places...

We decided to hit up a little spot we randomly found last year called The Libra Room. The outside looks kind of ghetto (the neighborhood is ghetto too), but once you step in and absorb the cozy, dark atmosphere and live jazz, you'll be glad I mentioned this place to you. The green girly drink isn't mine, it's Jessica's. As you can can see, I'm not enjoying her kiwi slush cocktail. *blech*
Yes, I know. Scott looks like me, and so does Geoff, and Donna, and Maggie, and Nicky...yes, I got it: Asians look alike.

I love taking advantage of my drunken friends...It's not so pretty the next morning when you find a mysterious lump. On second thought, Maggie may not be the only one drunk in these photos...

After leaving the bar, we were walking to our cars (we had designated drivers. Secret Agent does not encourage drinking and driving) we found a stack of empty skids. We decided to play jungle gym on them.

Before dropping Donna off, we found a nearby park and tried, once again (like LAST YEAR), to do crazy light photos that Donna introduced to us when she found lichtfaktor. We totally recommend you to check out these Swedish guys, their photos are crazy!

It's raining...Goodbye.

[photos courtesy of Donna Ng (who will soon have her very own pro Flickr account where you can see more of photos of us being idiots)]

PS - My good friend Haroon recently switched blogs from nasty MSN Spaces to lovely Blogger. Check out his blog: .:Euphoric:. It's pretty awesome.