Miley Ain't Smiley No Moe'

Hannah Montana is a slut! In the past, I've wrote about Disney stars and how they will all grow up to be disturbed vegetables (if they aren't already). Miley Cyrus is on that path to vegetablism. Over the weekend, the loud-mouth, tiny brunette, Miley Cyrus, slowly dug herself out of the Disney circle-of-crap in a Vanity Fair shoot with internationally known photographer, Annie Leibovitz. "What's the big deal? Everyone shoots with Annie", you may be thinking? Well, considering Miley isn't even legal yet, she posed for the spread being topless, having messy sex hair and baring her naked back. It's not surprising. Look at Britney Spears. She was once a Disney pop princess. But sadly, she is now labeled as a fat cow with mental issues...I believe those labels were given by me.

At the age of 15, you should not be straddling bed sheets while being topless. In Miley's defense, she thought those pictures were, at first, "artistic". But after seeing them, she is now "embarrassed by them." Artistic? Talk about unoriginal! How is posing nude with blankets artistic, anymore? Everyone has done that! Jessica Alba, Christina Aguilera, Marilyn Monroe, Lindsay Lohan...the list does not stop. Shouldn't Miley be in J-14 or Tiger Beat talking about her favourite type of lip gloss? But no, instead, she chose to be in Vanity Fair talking about the love she has for Sex and the City.

“It’s my favorite show! I love it! Obviously not the scenarios. But if you watch Sex and the City, like the way the friends are, the way that it’s dry and they all have distinct characters—that’s a thing we try to do on our show.”

Who watches Sex and the City at 15? She was probably getting breastfed while her mom watched it when it actually aired on TV. Miley has said in the past that she will keep her flower untouched until marriage. But with some of the pictures being leaked onto the internet, I don't think she can stare at her flower any longer without getting it watered, if you know what I mean?...I don't even know what I mean. Anyways, I don't know what the hell she's thinking. I sentence Miley Cyrus to be forever added onto, SECRET AGENT'S LIST OF DOUCHES and SECRET AGENT'S LIST OF BAD EXCUSES. My Douche Face list consists of celebrities who have nude pictures of themselves on the internet. And knowing what a damn horn dog Miley is, she's not far from showing off the vag. Sitting snuggly beside her on the Bad Excuse list, is of course Ashlee Simpson.

At least we know Miley's year end revenue will probably be doubled with all this controversy. She has too much money. Anyway, those pictures Annie took look freaky anyways. All her photos make the model look like they're corpses. The blur and the colours. Geez, Billy Rae is quite the creeper too. Look at that photo. Belly-baring Miley sexually lays across her father's thighs. Ok, I've gone into incestrial territory here. I will stop.

[pictures courtesy of New York Post, Vanity Fair, and Just Jared]

Random Sightings

I just got back from a dim sum lunch with my family. We went all the way to New Westminster (which is another city in British Columbia) to check out a new restaurant. Right beside where we ate was this place called Schanks Sports Grill. Some may pronounce it as "shanks", but I'd rather call it "skanks". I'm right about to head out for a hair trim. Hopefully tonight, I'd be doing something mildly amusing with my mildly amusing friends. I'm sorry for this random post.

Blisters on the Feet

Vancouver's trendy Gastown area

I was at work on Sunday morning working as a cashier. There was, of course, a "big sale" going on and everyone was stocking up on Holiday Luncheon Meat, Sensodyne Toothpaste and Purex Liquid Detergent. This one lady came through my line. She was very patient and smiley -- no one ever smiles anymore. We exchanged the friendly "How are you's." I began to ring her items through. I grabbed the top lid of her Purex and bam! The lid popped open and liquid detergent spilled all over the cashier checkout, my pants, my shirt and my face. I began cleaning the mess before I continued ringing up the rest of her items. One of the spills landed right beside the zipper-fly on my pants. I tried rubbing off the detergent, but it only foamed. It left behind a white residue. The conversation between the customer and I started to get a little awkward for she felt embarrassed having not screwed the cap tighter. I was also rubbing my groin...which probably made it even more awkward. I said, "Well, people are going to think this white stain is something else haha." I thought it would help loosen up the tension, but instead, she just gave me a blank stare and ignored my dirty comment. Humourless bitch.

Construction in Gastown

Yesterday, I went over to my extras' agency to pick up a few cheques. I stepped into the office and the first thing one of the agents said to me was, "Hello Jacky!" and then the other one yelled out, "JACKY CHOOO!" See! I told you these agents were different...unlike my past agents. After commission and tax, I was really left with nothing. The agency was in the downtown area of Vancouver. It was only about one o'clock in the afternoon, so I thought it would be a good idea to quickly spend the money on something useful rather than feeding that caffeine addiction and buying an espresso machine. I picked up a pair of jeans from Urban Outfitters and then bumped into Maggie, where we shopped around for a bit.

At Rodney's Oyster House.

I met up with Maggie, Scott and Herby later in the night for dinner at this awesome seafood restaurant called Rodney's Oyster House. I've always heard that you shouldn't eat oysters in the months with the letter "R" in it. Meaning, the freshest time to swallow the little aphrodisiacs is in May, June, July and August. I couldn't help it though, I haven't had oysters in a while. We met our server. A very cool guy that was borderline douche. After coming back for the second time to take our orders (the first time we weren't ready), he forced Maggie to order right then and there. We're a really big group of balled-up indecisiveness. When our friends don't know what to do, they'll say, "It doesn't matter. Whatever you guys want". That's probably the phrase that sends tiny spasms to my brain. I hate that phrase.

Richard's backyard basketball court.

We had a lot of oysters. I ordered fried oysters and we also got a platter of fresh oysters to share. I was riled up and ready to shag someone something. We met up with Geoff. We all went over to Richard's, where Anthony was also there. Ryan and Eva later met up with us too. We still couldn't figure out what to do. Some of us wanted to stay at home and play Scene It?, some wanted to hit up the slot machines, some wanted to drink at a bar and some wanted to play open-gym badminton...at 10pm. Oddly enough, we ended up playing basketball for four hours. It was something we never usually do. It was hella fun until I woke up this morning with sore feet and two blisters. I was wearing jeans and a pair of non-supportive Converse to play basketball. After eating all those oysters, I was glad I didn't wake up with a sore penis and a stranger beside me instead.

I'm sorry if these pictures suck ass. Donna -- the "photographer of our group" -- is in Vegas gambling her life-savings away. She had a really tough time with her finals and is in dire need of blackjack therapy. These random, crappy camera-phone pictures will have to do for a few more posts.

April Rain Snow

Extras' holding area

*Yesterday, I was doing extras work for a new show called Revolution. It's about...I don't know. In those 13 hours on set, I had no clue what was going. Something about a planet named Gi Lomey, a spaceship and war. That's all I know. The 200 extras all played protesters. They had us yell out, "U.S. YOU OUT!" and "FREE GI LOMEY!". I was holding onto a sign that said, "WHAT ABOUT FREEDOM DONT YOU UNDERSTAND" without any punctuation. I actually asked for the sign. Why not? I mean, in a crowd of 200 people, I want to be the one who holds the sign without punctuation so when the show airs, I can easily spot myself. I might even find myself laughing because the script was a major cheese fest. We sat around, rehearsed, sent to eat, went back on set, sent back to holding, and went back to set. It was alright until the winds came rolling in.

We're "staring at the spaceship!"

I was sitting at the weirdest table the whole night. One guy kept on running around and couldn't sit still. One girl was high. Another girl was medicated and annoyed the hell out of everybody. You know, the kind of person who retains useless, boring information that no one cares about? Throughout the night she talked about, allergies, kiwi fruit, apricots, almonds, speed limits and parking. And she kept trying to provoke us to ask her these dumb questions. "I can't have caffeine." I know she wants me to ask her why she can't have caffeine, but I didn't. Instead I just nod and say, "Ohh... too bad." ...Probably not the best idea because continues saying, "Yeah, I can't have caffeine", as well as, "I can't have aspartame" and "I can't chew gum" over and over again.

We wrapped at six o'clock in the morning. The sky was lighting up, the downtown streets were quiet with the occasional sound of a car passing by and there was also a fresh oceanic breeze. It's a rare sight in downtown Vancouver. I get home, shower and plop onto my bed only to be woken up by my mom at 11am asking if I want to go for lunch. I said no. I then got a call from my dad at 2pm telling me to get my ass up because they (my mom and dad) were waiting outside to drive me to my dermatologist's appointment.

Later that night, I met up with Maggie, Geoff and Donna and had dinner at Earl's. We haven't seen each other in a while with finals and all. And since we were the only ones finished with exams, we were able to enjoy the company of each other, while everyone else continues hitting the books. It was getting late and we were all tired. We wait a bit for Maggie's bus to arrive before leaving her (since the rest of us were taking the sky train together). Donna was mentioning how she hasn't taken a picture with her camera for over a month -- which is extremely rare, since Donna is ultimately the photographer of our group. The girl who always has a camera with her, the girl who actually understands the settings of our overpriced digitals. She was snapping away at us until this random guy comes up and says, "Hey, let's take another one!" So we take another photo with two complete strangers. Did I mention it was snowing? Before we left the restaurant, it was raining like a little biatch, when we left it started to snow. The streets were glowing and everyone was looking up at the sky in awe. We then took the sky train and found Mr. Drunk-Passed-Out. How can I not resist taking a picture with him. For your information, the beer in the can dripped all over my hands while posing for this photo. The things I do for the viewing pleasures of this blog.

I get off at my station and wait with 30 other people at the bus stop who were still whispering to each other about the craziness of snow in April. Alright, it's not THAT crazy (for places like Kamloops!), but in Vancouver...come on? I say to a guy on the street, "It's crazy, isn't it? Snow in April" and he says, "Yeah, I guess it's the whole Inconvenient Truth theory from Al Gore". The bus finally rolls along. Everyone scurries to get in, but before anybody does, the bus driver--a young, cool, 30 year old guy, wearing a newsboy cap--pops his head out and yells, "Hey guys! No pass. No Money. Just get in!" Everyone gets in with smiles and cheers and the whole atmosphere of the bus changes into this snuggly, cheerful mood.

It looks like the sky is falling, but the snow is just moving quickly. Crappy camera phone

I mean, snow in April is probably the effects of global warming. But, what do I prefer: Beautfiful snow or Global warming? Beautiful snow!

*Please read this blog knowing that I wrote this entry on Friday night. So even though this blog was published on Saturday morning, when I write "Yesterday", it means "Thursday" and not "Friday".

[pictures courtesy of Donna Ng]

Driver's License

I know I said a few days ago, that I have nothing to write about. But all of a sudden, posts start pouring out of me. Still, the posts aren't anything fascinating to read.

I got my new driver's license today in the mail. I took my road test on Friday. I've put off that task long enough. I was eligible to get my full-privilege license in December of 2007, but was just too lazy. So here it is. That picture was taken two years ago.

I'm getting ready right now for a job I got booked for tonight. I'm doing extras work (once again) for a new show called Revolution. It's going to be a night shoot, so, I probably won't be home until the next morning. And yes, that's really me in the picture up top. No, I didn't draw all over my face.

Roses are red, Tulips are too...

I just got back from my part-time job at the retail store. My job tonight was "stock"...meaning, I was to refill all the four litre soda-pops, paper towels, diapers, and sadly, feminine hygiene. Thank god there wasn't a truck coming in tonight because I just wasn't in the mood to work. One of the duties as a stock boy is to empty out all the garbages from around the store at the end of the night. So there I go, carrying my cart full of garbage and hitting up station by station to empty out the bins. When we were at training, they told us to never stomp down or push down the garbages (in case there were needles). Knowing the kind of customers that come through our store, I wouldn't be surprised even if I found a toddler in there. I arrive at our store's public bathroom. It smelled exactly the way it did when I used the bathroom this afternoon and perfumed it with my personal scent. Lovely. The garbage was full and the toilet wasn't flushed. I continue changing the garbage until I saw in the corner of the bathroom a tulip. It was so red and vibrant. I was surprised it's not dead by laying there on the floor with no sunlight. I was watching Man vs. Wild yesterday, and Bear Grylls was saying how he loves coming across the beauty of nature as he goes through his difficult and stressful missions. Times can get tough and it helps when you just open your eyes and know that you're alive to experience all of nature's beauty. And while I was doing the garbages, it sort of brought out those feelings as well. It was a very boring shift, I was tired and lazy. Seeing a living flower in an ass-smelling bathroom was quite nice.

...until I looked closely. It wasn't a tulip. It was a frickin' used tampon.

[photo courtesy of Jonathan Hunt]

Holla at cha BOI!

After seeing my struggles with creating a new banner, Donna decided to give it a go. Her banner beats mine, hands down! That's why it deserves to be the first picture of my blog. Center stage status!

I spent a few hours today trying to design a new banner for this blog. I've had it for almost a year, and I think it's good to change it up. I would like to change the whole blog itself and warp up the layout, but I don't know much about HTML and I don't like taking somebody else's written codes. I hate "clashing" with other Bloggers that have the same layout as me.

When I was in 10 years old, I was really into designing my own website. Have any of you heard of AsianAvenue? I believe it's now called AsianAve.com (AA). It's a social networking site where people can join and meet others through their profile page. You also have the ability to write your own HTML and design your page without much restriction (unlike Facebook). When I was 13, I started getting into graphic designing. I was so into it. I spent hours everyday playing with Adobe Photoshop and designing new layouts, wallpapers, banners...everything. I even designed other's AA page. It was a daily dose of therapy for me. AA was where I did everything, from, writing out a "411", to TyPiN LiK dIs because we thought we was so GaNgStA, to spying on people. I wrote blog entries when I was 13 everyday on my AA -- A paragraph that summarized my daily activities. Pretty amazing, I think. And look, I still write blogs! AA then changed. The layout changed, and the whole site was more into "looking for your love match" or "finding the right job". Everybody gave up.

This was the second version of what I created. The more I look at it, the more I hate it. The arrow, the fake text? What was I thinking?!

AA was way above it's competitors though. If you look now, MySpace was just invented a few years back. AA was invented over 10 years ago...and they're basically the same thing! And then came Xanga. Xanga is another site to write your blogs (like Blogger). After writing in it for a few years, I decided it was much cooler to switch over to Blogger. I don't know why, I just thought the whole layout was much cleaner and organized. It's been almost a year and I feel I need to change the layout. I really like the way I have it now. I think all the little graphics I did for the side of my page, are awesome (I think so). The banner on top could use some work though -- It literally took me half an hour to design that piece of crap.

I was really interested in graphic designing or building my own website when I was younger. But, I don't think I can do it anymore. I just started losing interest. Everyone can use Photoshop now...well, people, THINK they can use Photoshop. Some have really horrible skills. Since when did "trying to remove a pimple" become blurring out the whole left side of the face?

This was sort of the working board. I liked the idea of the easily cropped photos with the burst of colours (for summer). But I found it to be looking quite feminine. What? I have to include my beloved models in my work.

As I said, I spent a few hours today trying to work out something new. I went through a bunch of sites with awesome graphics. But I'm having trouble blending the, artsy/vectorized/playful look with the soft/galactic look. Anyways, here's two banners I designed today. I normally wouldn't show people my work until I've 100% finished and ready to use. But, since what I made was something that's not my style and something I will never use, I'll post it up (just to jazz up this texty post). Donna thinks I'm having trouble creating a banner because: "your type of banner should involve Cadillacs, Cristal (that's the champagne rappers always boast about, right?), Sidekicks and for God's sake...throw in some hookers (or a picture of yourself)!"So, stay tuned for a new layout coming out soon!

The Pills

Yes, like all the 13 year old girls across North America, I am one of the few guys who watches The Hills. We could all use a little drama in our lives. Actually, if you really analyze each of the girls on The Hills, they're quite boring. Lauren Conrad is a clothing designer from Laguna Beach who worked as an intern at Teen Vogue -- currently unemployed. Is she dating Brody Jenner? Or isn't she? Then we have probably the sweetest and smartest (although she talks stupider than Heidi), Whitney Port. An all American sweetheart from Los Angeles who has worked her way around some of the biggest fashion magazines in the world and has recently come to a halt at People's Revolution -- a public relations firm that mainly focuses on fashion. And then there's Heidi Montag. A harmless nut case that was once best friends with Lauren until she abandoned her for her boyfriend. And of course, how can we not continue with Audrina Patridge, when we're talking about stupid girls? A clueless brunette, who enjoys dating homeless men and posing nude for dirty photographers. Dramatic enough for you? Not quite? Well continue reading.

This whole Lauren Vs. Heidi thing "has been blown waaay out of proportion" (in the words of Heidi). Yeah, maybe Heidi should have spent more time with her friends when she was dating Spencer Pratt. And maybe she should have done something about the Jason Wahler and Lauren Conrad sex tape rumors. Clearly, we all know Spencer had something to do with it. Did Heidi? Perhaps she added a dash of hatred and a sprinkle of betrayal in the heat of the moment. But now, I just feel sorry for Heidi. She has no friends and she's being controlled by a guy with freakishly large teeth. "All the better to EAT YOU WITH, MY DEAR!" She needs to stand up for herself and know that Spencer is the biggest douche bag of Hollywood (and we all know how many douche bags there already are ie. Justin Timberlake). She hasn't done anything wrong...well, besides creating her own clothing line, Heidiwood, ...and recording a few singles, ...and dating Spencer, ...and moving out...OKAY! That's besides the point. I'm just trying to stand up for a girl who's clearly hated by people all around because the boring drag that is, Lauren Conrad, is brainwashing the world's population with her horrible sense of humour. So go on, put on your favorite Spice Girls album and rock out to "Stop" while throwing darts at Lauren's face. Team Heidi!

[photos courtesy of MTV]

Nothing's Going On...

Seriously, If there was anything worth writing about, I would have done it. I've been so busy for the past few weeks that I haven't even seen my friends in a while. I finally went out with some of them on Friday and had dinner. Then we rocked it out on Rock Band at Nicky's house. Everyone is studying for finals. I got my full-privileged license on Friday as well. That's all.

To those who left comments on my other posts: I'll try and get back to you as soon as a better post is published and when I have a tad bit more time. Thanks. See you all soon.

Wheaties

Sorry. I've been a bit busy and lazy for the past week to update my blog.

I'm quite impressed by how many people actually think extras work is "fun". In a way, it sort of is because, if it wasn't, I would have stopped. I joined with my first agent two years ago and got work very sparingly (I got called once every three weeks). Two months ago, I switched over to another agency who were a lot more organized and hardworking. I've spoke with some people who actually make a living off doing this stuff -- although, it's extremely rare. Unless you have a close relationship with your agent, is part of an actor's union or is lucky enough to get a speaking part in whatever you filmed that day, you probably wouldn't want to cash that paycheque you earned by ogling at overpaid celebrities just yet. Even though I've done this for almost 2 years, I'm still new at this (because my last agent never got me jobs!). It's very sporadic work.

On another note, I went downtown on Monday. It was a very sunny day, and it would have been a shame to be staying indoors. I walked around, and spent about $40 on random little things (mostly coffee...honestly). I may be cheap, but I also have a sickness. H&M Syndrome. I saw a few items I wanted, but I know if I go to H&M, they'll have the same exact piece of clothing at a fraction of that price. Although the material of H&M clothing is truly sucky, I'll still wear it. I wore a sweater maybe...three times, and now, it's pilled and ripped. It's more like I'm renting clothes when I shop at H&M. Can't complain though, H&M really epitomizes what I like to wear in that 1/5 of the store they have for men's fashion.

I also had a shot of wheatgrass. I've heard so much about this miracle juice that I thought I should try it. I went to Jugo Juice and saw that two ounces of the green juice was the same price as a Starbucks! I decided to only get an ounce. I asked the juicer how it tastes and he said, "it's sweet and tastes like peas". I've also read on the internet that it tastes like peas. I got my shot and was offered a cup of grape juice to "wash it down". Alright, I'll take it -- but why would I need to wash it down since it probably tasted like celery, right? After drinking it, I would have to say, it does not taste like peas and it does not taste like celery. It was like drinking a tree...with black pepper.



I continued walking around and bumped into Elise Estrada being filmed by a camera crew. Who the hell am I talking about? Well, Elise was just a regular girl from Vancouver until she entered our local radio station's talent show. When she won, her prize was studio time. Her first single, Insatiable, became a big Canadian hit. And now, she's sort of a...dare I say it...Canadian celebrity. Tiny little Elise was walking around with her friend dressed in clothes way too mature for their age -- kind of looking like a hooker (the high class ones). I don't know why I'm talking about Elise. It's a very random topic. The YouTube video attached is her extremely tacky music video for Insatiable.

That's really all I have to say for now. I don't have anymore topics to talk about. I just wanted to let you all know I'm still alive...and lazy. How can a blog survive with the lack of updates? I ask myself these questions every day...

[pictures courtesy of Aroma Thyme, RockSTAR Music Corp and H&M]