Sex Tape the Douche Face (Part II)

"A device used to stream water into the body for medical or hygienic reasons."

That's the definition, on Wikipedia, for the word, Douche. A crack head came into my work yesterday. As I was stacking tampons upon boxes of pads and more tampons, she walks up to me. She's shaking, stuttering and rashed-up with scratches all over her body--Her shaggy hair says it all.

"Excuse me...you're...you're...you're probably the last person I want to ask right now...but...but...but...do you know where I could find a douche? I...can't find...find...find...it anywhere."

"Oh, well, I'm here to help".

I have absolutely no idea what a douche is. All these years of calling people a "douche bag" or "douche face"...when really, I had no clue. I knew it had something to do with dousing oneself with something, but I had never actually seen the device or even the box which contains the device. So there I was, standing two meters away from the gonorrhea-positive crackwhore, staring at the mountain of tampons. I point to one item and ask if that was a douche. She says no. I then point to another. She also says no. I continue aimlessly pointing at random items. No, she says "that's for periods." Periods? Ha! I don't even fully understand what that is either.

Speaking of Douches. According to my blog, douches are people who think taking pictures of themselves nude or while doing the nasty nasty is fun. It really isn't when your pictures get leaked. The only person who seems to have benefited from this kind of exposure is Paris Hilton. Not even Rick Salomon (the one featured in the video with her). Who knows why? In recent news, Edison Chen, an extremely popular Hong Kong artist/actor went to get his Mac fixed. The stupid douche inside of himself forgot to delete those pictures he took with other extremely popular Hong Kong stars (a lot of them). Pictures, of course, being all nudies and during acts of sexual sins. All this time, I thought these Hong Kong artists didn't even know how to perform these positions, and yet they actually do--go figure. So instead of being featured in his own Simple Life reality TV show, Edison is getting threatened by Hong Kong gangsters and mobsters. The innocent Hong Kong image is forever tainted and the business is losing money. They want Edison killed! Poor guy. Over the weekend, Edison chose to step away from the entertainment industry for an indefinite amount of time to pursue more charity work. Wow, he's starting to sound like a Chinese Paris Hilton. Who the hell would want any of those two working with charities? Go douche yourself...Was that right? Did I finally use "douche" correctly?

[pictures courtesy of Summer's Eve and Google Images]